每一会在五月天的演唱会过后都有一种带着淡淡忧伤的兴奋。很矛盾吧？演唱会里让人”high"翻了天，过后心还是不停的“jumping", 让人喘不过气。在这当儿，又要背负着歌曲和演唱的结束与他们的离开。好难受哦！
不久前碰见了一个旧同事，她笑着对我说的第一句话是：“你好像胖了，是不是‘有’了？”
我当然知道她是没恶意的。况且，我以婚，这也不是一个不合逻辑的问题。但是，我毕竟是没怀孕嘛。。。那发福的原因也之有1个咯。。。
我是只没有纪律的大肥猪。 Sigh... :(
Finally the flat is more or less done and Wilk and I are both quite please with the result which looked quite industrial, modern and gallery-like. Of course there are always things to tweak and we are still hounding our designer & contractor to fix certain things such as the concrete floor.
Again, quite sure that our family and friends may think us odd in how our 'love nest' ended up looking but I am sure those who know us wouldn't be that surprise by our choices or taste.
Ah... as for housewarming.. that will have to wait till we settle more stuff!
Finally met with the 'higher' powers and soon-to-be-ex-boss couple of days ago to confirm my new job title which would be announced at the staff meeting. Not sure how i feel about it but some of them looked relieved that i will take the job but STB ex-boss looks like she was eating "ku gua". So after all those half compliments, half insults innuendos, she really had no choice in the matter whatsoever since the other two big bosses basically patted my knee and told me that i'll have their full support. Let's just say that things didn't get get very pretty at that point with STB ex-boss who soon went into a lengthy discourse on leadership maturity (or lack of) and openness, while the rest of us nodded perplexedly away.
Not that it matters now... once i am 'there', i resolve to make the job mine. There are so many things to consider when taking on the job but at least i was upfront with with them about my plans to leave next year. I do think that its important to fulfill my responsibilities and do my best before that but already, i am feeling the pressure and stress at having to do something beyond what i would normally do, and watching my own rather frequent 'careless' comments much more carefully now.
Think that people viewed the announcement of my 'advancement' in a myriad of ways. Some with trepidation. Some were honestly happy for me. Some were wary and unsure. As usual, the PPGs gave their support and some even promised not to let me 'sink' into the pits. For that i am grateful. I only hope that this will not change me much and i could walk away one day with a clear conscience and head held high, knowing that i did my best with what i was given.
Sigh.
- start grouse-
Still amazes me how much things are involve in 'relocating'. Its never quite so simple as just packing and leaving. So much to consider. So much to plan and take care of. Things to do in the place that you are going and things to take care of in the place you left behind. Aside the logistics and practicalities, there is also the money to consider. Money to plan just in case you can't find a job. Money to put aside in view of emergencies. Money for daily necessities and money for all the little bits and pieces which one can always hope to have planned for but can never be sure. That is not even going into the whole emotional and mental preparation for such an undertaking.
Which is why I was mightily pissed off when someone keep telling me that for sure we would leave and yet sure as hell, i have no freaking clue where, when and how. Abit off-base the last few days because i seem to be constantly worked up by the SO. Wish it wasn't so but still it happens. Several things that ought to have been fought about and left behind, continually rear its ugly head and remains unforgotten. It bugs me because its not about the 'things' or 'events' per se but the 'way' situations (big and small) are dealt with. We could have forgiven each other on multitudes of mistakes but nothing changes on how we perceive and handle things, which makes any future issues a potentially difficult journey for both.
Simply put. We have different priorities. I plan more. He works on impulse more. I put brain above heart. He puts heart above brain. I want the best and would wait for it. He manages his expectations and make do with what he can get now. I am unrelentless and steadfast in opinions. He negotiates and always balance out my view with the exact opposite, for the sake of being fair. Of course, those are generalities which doesn't cover all the things we go through and how we act. There are things we do agree on but sometimes the differences irks me. Its hard to imagine how much love you can feel for one person yet at the same time, feel just as much as wanting to strangle them at the same time. I think the SO will be the only one who can empathize right now, strangely.
Since this is My Blog. I shall, alas, continue to have my Last Word.
There is nothing, NOTHING more irritating and absolutely frustrating than someone "giving" you a choice but then take the carpet right out from under you, the very minute you have happily made a choice. It is a weird and sick compulsion which till now, I do not understand. I do not comprehend how such a way of dealing with people can be "accidental" other than the fact that the person is just being unbelievably thoughtless and self-involved that they totally neglects and negates whatever it was that i have said. Either that, or the person is just plainly 'not thinking'. Its the same for the little things. It is the same for the big things. It's telling the whole world how much 'choice' i was given and appearing, in all sense of the word, magnanimous while i appear like a spolit brat. Yet, the real compromise seems to come out from me and the person who always said that they are compromising, ended up with what they wanted in the first place. More than once, i did a 'double-take' and felt rightly 'swindled' somehow but then, the intention was never to trick me.
That's the joke of it all. It was all Unintentional. I can frown and be upset but then, its always been one thing leading to another. So now i end up with the 'bad rep' for being difficult, you come out smelling like roses... yet i am not sure what exactly it was that i 'got' and it appears more like your basket is full. I am perplexed and irritable but not to a point where i want to make a nasty big fight of it (other than when i start to ramble and talk). As these things usually goes and as my life has a perchant to do these days, i am unfortunately 'stuck' again.
ahhhh.....
-end grouse-
Got a call from Angela to let us know she is safe and sound in Perth, and still looking for a place to stay. Turns out its not so easy finding rental that fits all the requirement and allows for pets but i think she sounded very hopeful that something will be confirmed by saturday. So fingers crossed. Asked angela if she missed us, the powerpuff girls, and fed her gossips of school... Also told her lunch seems quite empty without her, and her 'seat' is usually the one left vacant till the last cos' for some reason, that's always been Angela's chair. I think she is still trying to get use to not working with us but being quite the "I" person, she keeps everything quite nicely inside her. So nope, no great declaration or sob-sob tale of how much she misses all of us but then we all know la.. that's Angela. :D
Yesterday was Angela's last day but I missed it because i was at home on MC. Wonder if it was a blessing in disguise because it made saying "Bye" a lot less... sad. Still it was hard driving into the school carpark and not seeing her car anymore. Quite a big wallop that says even my best friend at work has left this dumpster of a place and I'm gonna be alone. Felt like shit on a Friday morning, and it ain't the virus talking either.
It is perhaps of small wonder that i fell sick on Wednesday just before the farewell lunch which i have helped planned. Dunno sick or sad or what... but i couldn't eat much and absolutely have no interest in the food or the farewell speeches etc. Everyone seems pretty cheerful and all but man, i felt like a car wreck. Sadness and virus is quite a lethal combination.
Surreal. Now that Angela is gone, i find it a bit stressful that i'll no longer have a safe harbor to 'hide' myself whenever i am trying to avoid certain people at work. Used to be, Angela's room is a great place to be when i wanted to 'bitch' about someone or just vent my frustrations, she would also cover for me when people comes around to harass me. I think the other girls now occupying the room will find that a tad bit odd. Looks like there won't be much of a safe haven to let off steam now.
Sigh.
HAHAHA
Did my own little editing and finally got a semblance of my own template back.
Needs more work though... but for now, i am comfortable with it.
Ahhhhhh..... :)
No choice... Have swapped and abandoned the template i liked so much but not supported on New Blogger. Roll Eyes. There you go.. the template i had picked from the LIMITED selection available. Comment box had to be one supplied by the blogger site. Byebye YACCS. But that's okie. Wanted to changed that for a while anyway.
Sniff.
I hate being forced.
Idiots.
Really finding it less and less motivating to blog because of the stupid "white-out" problem... I think i gave up hope of ever finding out what's wrong with it. Seems that new IE and new Blogger isn't working that fantastically together.
No mood to update my life much also because life isn't that interesting since i got back to singapore from melbourne. Looks like it will be a while before there will be any significant changes in this aspect. Still trying to keep my head out of the water and just "survive" but it has not been easy.
Angela is leaving singapore at the end of the month. That's kind of depressing since i am going to lose one of my 'amusement' (her words, not mine) and a great support at work. It will be weird not having Angela around at work after the 21st of April since she has been here from Day 1 when i started work. Can't say that she has found me 'amusing' then, if i remembered correctly, the word 'cocky' or 'arrogant' seems to the general impression she had of me. Ahahaha shows how much things can change over time eh? We watched colleagues come and go... from a point where there were only as many therapists as you can count with two hands, till having our regular badminton and "powerpuff girls" club.. that's pretty good memories to live by and one of the things that keep me sane in this place.
That said, everyone has got to keep moving forward nonetheless. Others like PP, MeiY, Daph, Denise, WF, Dav, Eliz has all moved. Angela is moving forward. Soon it will be Fei and LS. Who will be left? But then, people came too, there was a time when Fio, PS, LS and now MH, were new too. I guess none of us are quite irreplaceable to the organization, but perhaps in some degrees we are so, in each others' minds depending on how much we had shared with each other. I wonder where do i fit into this coming and going. I very much want to go but things are just happening so slowly.
Life could be better spent than trying to make my life less miserable here. And its crazy when one is not productive and work is no longer meaningful. So, as much as i will miss Angela once she leaves... i can't say that i am not happy for her for leaving behind a work that brings no pleasure, no affirmation, no motivation and no future. Look at J now... at least he is living a fulfilling life that he has chosen compared to when he was here. And as her good friend at work, that's what i hope Angela will have too when she goes, if not move. That's one determined girl who knows what she wants and find means to get it... Well, that might be that bit of bullheadedness and all that 'nasty' things she have up her sleeves for 'fools' she cannot tolerate but at least she reflects and change when she sets her mind to it.
There will be things i don't understand about certain things she feels about people or why she said certain things but really, once you get pass those 'rough' edges, Angela is one true and loyal friend that stick with you through all kinda shit even if she has to slough right through it with you. Man... I am gonna miss her... I think all this while i didn't seem quite bother was probably because i have not been thinking very much about it (well, trying not to) and kept telling myself that it will be a while more before she goes... Well, its April now. She should have left on the 6th, and despite me saying that she should have rid herself of this org, i am pretty happy she extended her term till 21st.
Oh well. Nothing left to say and do... just another stark reminder that i have to start planning for myself concretely ASAP. Misery breeds contempt. I am one contemptuous bitch right now and ain't afraid to show it. But that shouldn't be the way.
I guess... its my time to go too.
After all those crappy stuff at work... i am now finally relaxing my ass in melbourne with dear meowmeow... chilling out at family's apartment with bro who is working here. Man... so cool not to have to think about work and screening and reports and audits and dealing with irritating people and eating bad lunches and being tired and feeling frustrated and all drained out... ahhhh.... this is blissful!
Reached here on sunday and will leave on coming sunday. Wish the trip is longer... man.. wish i could quit now and not go back at all! Sigh. The weather is fantastic. Lots of sunshine and blue skies, the sun doesnt set till 8pm. A tad chilly cos of the wind but nothing a good fleece jacket can't help. Been bringing meowmeow around town and showing him the place. Thinks he likes it too... am hopeful that he will find a nice course to study here but if not, there are also other places we can consider.
Just nice that Moomba waterfest was also going on the weekend we reached here (monday was also public hol) so we got to go to carnivals and saw a great display of fireworks down at yarra river, up close! The carnivals were really fun too, though we didn't go on any rides (very scary looking and meowmeow didn't want to go up with me). We did however, win a big bart simpson soft toy :D The rides and games were spread across both side of the river, one side mainly for young people and the other side was more for kids and family. Could tell the australians really put alot of emphasis on family life and healthy living.. there were games whole family could play for free and kids could try out fun sports like giant soccer, rugby, floor hockey for free too and its all supervised by games wardens who would also referee on matches and teach the kids to play. And the toilet facilities.. wow.. no complains.. they use recycled water and there were so many cubicles (no need to queue at such big events!) that were clean and not stinky! Impressed!!
Pigging out alot also and the portions were huge.. couldnt finish a whole meal most of the time and needed to doggy bag it. I hope i wouldn't get use to the portions here because i will be fat in no time at all! Maybe that's why i should stick to walking all the time like my bro. :P
Anyway.. its relaxing and fun... really trying not to face up to reality comes sunday evening.. much less think about monday... groan....
Last week was my 31st birthday, on 1 march. To think, i'm stepped into the 30s already... was quite depressing initially. Thankfully all that 'feeling blue' bout did not last very long. Wonder if there was some guardian angel watching over me or perhaps i am just so blessed because there are always people around me that lifts me right out from the murky depths of depression.
There's hubby with his captain bluebear cheery-upper despite his own mounting stress and pressure... great family who remembered and fab friends/colleagues who gave me (and my family) a nice big 'crab-bie' treat at Seafood Paradize! :D
Really made my day... to eat big crabs, talk cock sing song with everyone at dinner and receiving a birthday cake & song by colleagues just when i am all tuckered out, playing a dead corpse in the OT room. Heh heh
THANKS!!
Well.. if anyone pops in to see the exhibition at the National Museum (17/2 - 11/3), you will get to see the wedding photos of me & wilk, and also our parents and grandparents blown up big big... Ah. Not the most flattering of shots but it was quite nice when placed side by side with our parents/grandparents. Was there at the official opening last friday and was interview by one of the chinese radio station (fm88.3). Too bad we didn't get the hear it over the radio later that evening cos' we were all having a family dinner (his and mine) down at Sichuan Dou Hua. Our wedding album was displayed too though i think they might have kept it after one of the pages fell out after repeated flipping on the day of the opening by other people. Abit heart-pain... sigh. Whole experience was also abit wayang cos' we all (including all our family) had to hang around our "display" till the MP who officiated at the opening come by. Took quite a while before reaching our area too. He commented that our type of album would have a 'market' these days since couples will want something unique.
Well... our experiences so far were that, everyone wants to be unique, yet nobody really wants to fall out of the norm and push the boundaries (except within rather 'safe' limits). At the end of the day, while most people commented that our album was very nice and unique etc etc, not alot of people would want to do anything similar for theirs. Guess bottom line is, while it is all nice to be 'unique', it is also very important to be 'accepted' by the 'majority' of people (i.e. parents, relatives etc) and not go 'too out' of conventional 'wisdom', especially at weddings. It all ends up with couples wanting to be special, but not daring to be 'that' special and not wanting to offend or worry the elders, hence end up with something with vague touches of 'individuality' but really is very much like everyone else's.
Sorry for sounding bitchy... but I do understand how that goes because of the number of elders i had alienated and unconsiously offend by wanting to do the wedding in our own 'individual' way... It all depends if it would be that kinda of path you want to take. Frankly, if you are OK with doing the 'usual' wedding things and really like what you have, who cares about being 'unique'? I am not sure that people should strive to be unique, just for the sake of 'appearing' unique to others. If anything, I would just love for anybody to be able to to fight for what they want regardless of what people say. And if what people say is that important? Then know exactly what you are compromising for and be happy and have no regrets that you have given up your 'individuality' but made others happy.
I can forsee that CNY will be one of the tougher period of the year for me... Sigh.
Don't know what to say except that, differences sometimes can break you.
Still, we survived and its back to work and face other demands for now.
Happy Lunar New Year people...
Crazy blog is still being nuts.
Blogger help is frankly... No HELP at ALL.
Despite sending them emails and dropping enquiries at the help forum.
Quite QUITE irritated.
But will keep on posting... since i doubt many people read this, and its more for myself.. but but but... i like my template... *burst into tears*
Hahaha Ruskie ties at first place with another lovely kitty at the flickr photo contest! Thanks to all that voted! *grins*
http://flickr.com/groups/gatti_gattini_gattoni/discuss/72157594544433832/
The blog is still WEIRD... So i wonder how many people can see my blog instead of a blank page.. But if you add a ? at the end of the url, the post does apply, though without template. Sigh...
Anyway...
Ruskie (me cat) is in a photo contest and i am shamelessly asking for anyone who can，to go vote for him here.. http://www.flickr.com/groups/gatti_gattini_gattoni/discuss/72157594533419663/
Heh heh
<<咸鱼>> - 五月天
我是一只咸鱼 不想承认 也不能否认
不要同情我笨 又夸我天真 还梦想著翻身
咸鱼就算翻身 还是只咸鱼 输得也诚恳
至少到最后 我还有咸鱼 不腐烂的自尊
我没有任何天分 我却有梦的天真
我是傻 不是蠢 我将会证明 用我的一生
我 如果有梦 有没有错 错过才会更加明白 明白坚持是什麼？
我 如果有梦 梦要够疯 够疯才能变成英雄 总会有一篇 我的传说
我不好也不坏 不特别出众 我只是敢不同
我的人生就是 一错再错 错完了再从头
也许放弃掉一些 活得更轻松 我却不再是我
我不愿一生 晒太阳吹风 咸鱼也要有梦
有一天有我的天空
作我的英雄 在我的天空 我知道你懂 知道你会懂 耶～
| What Your Face Says |
 At first glance, people see you as driven and ambitious. Overall, your true self is moody and dynamic. With friends, you seem dramatic, lively, and quick to react. In love, you seem mysterious and interesting. In stressful situations, you seem selfish and moody. |
Well, I've said what i need to say to my head of department. As expected, i was asked to stay till the end of the year because of the new psychologists coming in and i need to help with supervision. That, and the fact that another psychologist here has already tendered and due to leave by July.
Have not made up my mind about staying till the end of the year though i would rather leave earlier. My purpose of telling my HOD was to get her to 'spare' me from any training that the school might put me to because i do not want to waste my time, nor do i want the school to waste their money. All in all, it will also prevent any potential 'ugliness' between the school and i, if i am to attend those training yet knowing that i was not going to use the 'skills' learnt now that i am planning to go.
The HOD knew my reasons of wanting to leave and i guess she expected it but i have not really thought of how to say it to the principal. Everyone i know and articles i have read about resigning from one's job, spoke of leaving in a gracious and cordial note. A little difficult now, since i don't quite have a legit reason of leaving (can't say i am pregnant or going to studying can i?) nor do i really like to lie. Bottomline is, i DO want to speak my mind about why i wanted to leave due to how the organization has been managed. Yet on an emotional note, i also do not want to hurt anyone here because i do like them despite their 'flaws'. Looking at it, till now, i can hardly blog about my reasons, what more verbalizing them out. Writing the resignation letter was a breeze... now going to tell it as it is, that's the challenge for me.
In any case, i have to go talk to the principal later today because only she can offcially take me off those training lists that has just been posted up. As to what i'll eventually say, i guess i would only know after my meeting with her.
那天做了个又好笑又开心的梦。。。
梦里我与我一位同事来到了阿信的签唱会。
就当我前面只剩几个人时，我突然自觉到自己其实正在做梦，一切只是梦境，并非真实。
奇怪的是我不感到失望，反而打起了一个念头。。。
既然是个梦，那一切应该可以让我支配吧？
现实难以发生的事，在梦里我可以一一的实现。
就在这种‘阿信’全全在我‘掌控’时，我跟他要了一个拥抱。
说来也满滑稽的。。。’阿信‘那时就如一个手脚不听使唤的人，一面hug着我，一面表露着一幅“发生了什么事”的表情， 我不禁暗暗自喜 *heehee*.
醒来时，很开心的把着梦告诉了meowmeow，他也觉得我很好笑，很奇怪。
幸好他不是个容易嫉妒的人，不然我就惨了！:)
睁开眼时，感觉了一股沉闷。
心里老有一种难以形容得心情缠绕着。
似如一个早已填满的黑洞，本该空虚却又累积了一种莫明其妙的感动。
让人的心不经意的觉得阵阵酸，阵阵喜，也带点兴奋与刺激。
有点想起某些幻影，某些似以相识的人，像在我梦里与我分享了一个秘密。
一个己开心，又心痛的秘密。
一个我也不晓得是否有人可以与我分享的秘密。
好想你也有同一个洞，同一个梦。
同样的与我梦醒后感觉这一丝丝的酸与甜。。。
Inuka - Sheba's son
Originally uploaded by AuRoRiN & MoOoK.
Visited the zoo over the weekend to see Inuka and Sheba. Never really took a closer look at them so this was a good chance before Inuka gets relocated after mommy Sheba passes away. Anyway it was a good day at the zoo, seeing the different animals and caught most of the animal shows and feeding. Only pity perhaps is that we only managed to see half of the zoo.
Judging by the lapse between the last post and this one, it's of little wonder how busy my life must be. Well, its either that or that i am plain lazy. Hmm. Perhaps a combination of both. I can't quite tell 'cause i've been pretty busy, as i was saying...
So.
2007.
Another year. Another day at work. Another hour of being 'gainfully' employed. Sad but it's seems brighter to me this time round since i think i jumped in this time with my eyes fully open and arms tightly wrapped around a lifejacket. My lifeline this year will be my full awareness of my limitations and capabilities, plus (and it is a huge plus) the fact that my route out of here is planned, my ticket safely in my pocket. Nothing that has happened thus far, since the start of the school year, has shown me that my choice wasn't the right one. Up til today... the last meeting just shows how much i needed to move on to avoid being sucked right into the 'hurricane' of chaos and have my sanity ripped right out of me before i know what's happening.
I am not kidding.
It is THAT bad.
On a brighter note... i am FINALLY finding that the fact my room is constantly beseiged by water problems (this time it is the toilet bowl which is leaking) a rather funny thing.
It is impossible not to see the humour when your roof is in tatters, your walls are constantly soaked, you have pails lining up your dresser, your floor is peeling off, your toilet door looking such a fright after being hacked and cemented, your floor has sprouted a 'drain' or sorts in front of the toilet, your toilet floor is constantly at a state of 'puddling' and finally your cat pooped on your bed since the toilet's making it too wet to thread through.
Frankly. I am serious when i think it's funny.
I mean, what's the alternative? Hammering my head on the wall and add blood to the water soaking up in the room?
:)
Ok. So not too bright a note, that.
Hmm... we did have a new colleague at work this year. More people to share the burden eh? Except, more people have resigned (ahead of me)... so that's also not too good.
But.
I still think 2007 isn't that bad. Kota Tinggi is flooding but here, it's just thomson (and maybe my room). Crazy weather patterns and funny man trying to solve a problem (which he has created in the first place) by putting more people in danger but, economy seems to be doing well and my stocks are rocketing still (i'm keeping at eye on it though). I am driven nuts by my insecurities but my family and loved ones are safe and sound. Some friends seemed to have disappeared into thin air but i got in touched with more friends than i have ever hoped to see again.
It's been a good start... 2007.
:)
Alright, the last video i'm going to put up this evening. My current favourite song to 'shout' while driving, "麦来乱" by Mayday. Basically it means don't come and disturb in Hokkien, and a really angst filled, top of your lungs type of song where the continually love-sick protagonist is asking a ex-lover not to come 'kar chiao'anymore now that everyone has moved on.
Been singing this in the car for a bit and yes, i can be oblivious to uncles/aunties staring from other cars when i do my whole rock/roll headbanging thing, and no, it doesn't hamper my driving.. at all. Anyway, i have many favourite songs by Mayday, this one just happened to be the 'flavour of the month' because i am into singing 'rock' or 'screaming' songs now (think songs from Beyond and Fir, and plenty of attitude) and doing it in Hokkien just up a notch of the challenge since i CAN'T speak Hokkien. No big deal, just more screaming along with the CDs when driving then.
Thankfully, i've plenty of opportunities to drive alone... so i guess my only casualty so far would only be wilk. Poor thing. Not only that, he had to sit through my ktv sessions too... heh heh. The things people do when they are in love eh?
Alritey... Here we go folks.. get ready the ear plugs!
Seems like a McDull festival on Madness Monologues but couldn't resist after spending half my evening surfing YouTube for clips (despite having the vcds for both McDull movies). This is my favourite song from the cartoon, "All things bright and beautiful" by the Pancakes. A real cheery song and one i would sing at KTV if it is avaliable. Pity that the YouTube version doesnt have the accompaning animation but still a wonderful song nonetheless.
Enjoy!
HmMmm makes me hungry with all the food...
YouTube is great... love all these little clips of McDull, featuring Sandra Ng (吴君如)as the mom and Anthony Wong (王秋生)as various other adult male characters, such as the waiter here. That man's really got great lungs to be able to rattle off the menu without taking a breath in between!
On xmas day, wilk and I went down to the studio space at perumal road to pack up our stuff. After almost 3 years of renting the space from P-10, wilk has finally decided to end his lease and move out. I think both of us are quite sad while packing away the books and paints, and covering his various paintings with paper. Over the years we have seen people moved in and out along this stretch at perumal road but i guess nowadays, more people are moving out than in. It's a pity really, because we did have a wonderful time at the studio. Wilkie will do his arty things while i just chill out and bum around watching him and various other artists around the area, most of which are friends we have known for a while.
I remembered initially when everyone was new and fresh to the place, there were always activities happening on the weekends or evenings, be it talks, performances or shows opening. There were impromptu dinners and coffee breaks at the corner coffee shops and people could be walking in and out of the studio space chatting and talking cock. I was generally a spectator in all this but it was fun listening and watching others. I've also gotten to know new friends and other singaporean young artists who shared the studio spaces around the area, and seen their works. Some of them have moved to other studio spaces, while a few sorta disappeared. A bulk of them are also exisiting art teachers, like wilk, trying to balance out work and their passion for art. Sadly, after a while, most found it difficult to continue on and moved out.. and now i guess, its us.
On the way back after packing... wilk and i had a talk about this. I felt a little frustrated by the fact that people could be drained out of their passion by work and life in general but since i am not the one living that experience, i guess i can't understand how it is to have to juggle making art, creating and yet fulfilling necessary responsibilities. Still, i looked to a few rare examples along perumal road... the individuals who had perservered and felt that nothing is impossible if one has the passion for the kind of life they want and seek to make that happened. Hence quite automatically, i questioned the passion of people who 'gave up' and settle for something else. But i realized that i shouldn't judge others this way since i am not in their shoes... and everyone has that choice to take their own road.
Guess i am just a little... disappointed.
Have plenty of good memories there.. wilk's cat paintings, preparing for exhibitions, kaya toast, billy cat from upstairs, mosquito coils, sunday indian crowds, chatting with other people around the studio, reading my books on the mat, catching a nap, watching others and wilk work on paintings...
Hmmm... Will miss the studio space.. the 'synergy' (though it has been increasingly quiet) and that little slice of life away from the hustle/bustle.
...my mind.
That's what i gave one of the contractors who was supposed to come take a look at my leaking roof but in the end 'tua' me 3 times, without so much as a call to let me know that he couldn't make it. I was already quite 'buay song' with the guy but decided to let it be and called another contractor when he did not show up.
The crunch came when he had the audacity to call me SEVEN hours after the time he said he would be here, to ask me if i was the one who had called him and wanted to know what's the problem.
Man. I really let him have it over the phone.
---- Phone Conversation ----
Excuse me, Ms Lee ah, you called me yesterday right? What's the problem ah?
What's the problem? Didn't i already speak to you on the phone yesterday? My roof is leaking and where have you been? You said you were coming at 1pm and now its already 8pm.
*Nonchalantly* Ya la ya la. I have alot of projects and forgot. So i come later can or not?
Sorry. I already found someone else.
*A little worried* Ah. You fix the roof already?
No. I just needed someone to assess the problem and give me a quote. Anyway, i don't require your service anymore.
*Half-smug tone* OHhhhh.. quotation huh. So the other guy never fix the roof yet la. So i can still come down later take a look la. Give you quotation.
I already said. NO NEED. I found other contractors to give me the quotes. (Up till this point, i am still fairly polite but the stupid guy just got even more audacious once he realized he had a chance to get my business.)
Ms Lee, better get more quotations than can compare mah. (Perhaps noting that I might be abit pissed...) Ah Sorry la. Today i had a lot of things to do so i forgot to come in the afternoon la. I come later?
(I mean, he was seriously asking for it lor...) Excuse me! It is already 8 something already. What you want to see now? I called you yesterday morning and first you told me will be here in half an hour (as ADVERTISED on the papers) but you did not show up after 2 hours. So i called again, and that time you promised me that will make it by 5pm and would call if you cannot make it. Which you didn't. When i called at 5, you again said you are busy and told me you will come today at 1pm, again promising to call if you couldn't...
*Interrupting me* Ah sorry sorry. Busy la. Slipped my mind so didn't call.
SLIPPED YOUR MIND? (Took a deep breathe to calm down) Look. I am not unreasonable. I know contractors can be busy, especially now with raining season. I was prepared to wait for you, as long as you give me the time and would at least call to tell me if you are going to be late or cannot make it. Because of you, i am delayed and had to cancel my appointments to wait for you. Is that how you run a business?
So, nevermind la. I say i will come down and take a look now to give you quotation and see the problem. Good to have more quotations ma.
Isn't that abit late? When i called the other contractors, they will frankly tell me if they are busy and say come before 4pm or 5pm and they do!
*Sounding irritated* But i already say i coming down now what.
(Taking another deep breath) Basically what i want very simple and i dont think i am unreasonable. You run a business. I expect you to have at least a sense of responsibility and commitment if you want the job. Not very much to ask is it, to call if you are NOT coming. Where got people run business like you? Got people call you 2-3 times and wait for you for a few hours and you still don't remember what i call you about and tell me it "SLIPPED" your mind? One time maybe, two times Ok... THREE TIMES leh! And everytime i have to call YOU to find out if you are coming. DO you think i have all the time to sit at home and wait until my roof collapse just so you can earn my business? If you don't want the job, i can always take my business else where!
*In a huff and rudely* So what you want to do now?
*Incredulous* What i want to do?! What do you think? I told you when you didn't come the 3rd time, I called someone else and he came in 1 hour time just as he said. That's how people do business. If this basic trust and commitment you also cannot deliver, you think i will still pay you to fix my roof or not?
*Lost for words for a minute* Hmm.. okie lor...
-----------------------
That's when i put the phone down, being totally pissed off by his whole "I am doing you a favour" attitude. No apologies were given UNTIL he sensed that i was upset. Certainly he got a bit anxious when he realized i have started looking for someone else for the job and was actually concerned someone else has already fixed my roof. I guess that's when he realized he might lose out on a pretty lucrutive business since it's a landed property and the work involved is pretty major.
I mean... who does he think he is? People will just fall over themselves to let him do the job... like he is some Contractor IDOL? And that whole smug tone when he found out that he still had a chance at the job when i am only solicitating quotes at this point? I felt like throwing something at him! I honestly believe he thought i could be easily placated and let him waltz right in here saying and doing what he want!
Frankly, i dont want to make life difficult for anyone else and believed i am generally quite accomodating. But this guy was the PITS. I wonder does he think he could seriously 'bully' people like that. Perhaps i sounded like a nice, easy going female on the phone, who doesn't seem like the kind to stand up for myself. In fact, people want to do my business have it quite easy because i hardly negotiate and my demands are simple. Do the job well and responsibily and anything else is easy to talk about. It was so presumptious of him to think that i would be held 'hostage' and would not look for another contractor.
Do people often get push over like this? I wonder if he would have treated someone like my dad the same way, like some pushover. I think not... since my dad sound like some big boss and would be viewed as a 'rich' towkay. I bet that guy would have shown more respect and eagerness to do my dad's business then, as compared to a youngish polite-sounding female on the phone.
Sheesh!
Next time i call up contractors to do a job, i am just going to channel my mom and dad, and use their usual firm tone whenever they negotiate a business deal. Got to sound more authoritative and tone down the 'politeness' which some easily mistaken as 'helpless' and 'guillable'.
真的敬酒不喝，喝罚酒。
不要以为脾气好，就容易被欺负。
我会先礼后兵。。。 不要老虎不发威，就当我是病猫。。。
Hruumph!
... the song by ABBA is playing at 830am loudly from the nextdoor neighbour's.
A real party animal, that xiaoxiao bao dimsum king neighbour. I mean they have parties and gatherings all the time, and there's music playing especially during festive seasons (think chinese new year songs and xmas carols) but ABBA on an early saturday morning?
*rub eyes*
I feel like i am in some surreal dream.
.
.
.
Anyway.. what is it with all the H2O?? HelloOOo WATER & LOO??
Allo friend-up-there, like not really funny lor.
Sheeshh.
It is on a really rare occasion that i would difficulty sleeping and get up at such ungodly hour after two hours of tossing and turning to logon to the internet. Perhaps it was the late dinner or the incessant rain that's contributing to my insomnia... but i suspect it's just stress and anxiety.
It might be unbelievable for some that someone like me would be stressed to the extend of losing sleep especially when i'm known for my ability to sleep through any crisis and is generally viewed as a pretty blessed person with fairly good fortune. So what's the "crisis" at hand?
A leaking roof.
Yaps. A leaking roof is the start of it all and frankly, i thought it's laughable that i am kept up worrying about something so... mundane. But then, like in all Japanese horror movies... a leaking roof sometimes isn't just a leaking roof is it?
Unfortunately (Perhaps fortunately) this is not a post about any supernatural encounter i have had with my leaking roof though it is a tad bit suspicious how frequent my room has been besieged by water this year [burst pipes, flooded floors, leaking window panes etc]. Rather, its a rather circumlocutious mental process which i am prone to that led one thing to another, each more stressful than the last, accumulating into one sleepless female at 6am in the morning. In fact, i am surprise this sleeplessness isn't happening as often as it should, given my habit to 'ponder' things and play mental leapfrogs on my own. I guess the issues i have thought through before just hasn't been as stress-provoking (singularly or collectively) as it has been tonight.
To summerize and conclude, after analysing all that i have thought through without boring anyone with the unnecessary details and sparing others the brain-ache from taking it from point A to Z, the issue is one of finances, or more importantly, my inability to make sense, take control and shape my personal direction for it. That's the crux of what i'm thinking about, abundantly garnished by my thoughts of family commitments, responsibilities, definition of roles, pride, career, future and my self-confidence.
Quite big things to be thinking about actually.
All because of a leaking roof.
And perhaps, judging from my not-so-comfortable tummy now, the late dinner of hokkien mee did play a small part in it as well.
One of my wishes is that those dark trees,
So old and firm they scarcely show the breeze,
Were not, as 'twere, the merest mask of gloom,
But stretched away unto the edge of doom.
I should not be withheld but that some day
into their vastness I should steal away,
Fearless of ever finding open land,
or highway where the slow wheel pours the sand.
I do not see why I should e'er turn back,
Or those should not set forth upon my track
To overtake me, who should miss me here
And long to know if still I held them dear.
They would not find me changed from him they knew--
Only more sure of all I thought was true.
- Robert Frost
Hope, expectation, Bright promises.
The Moon is a card of magic and mystery - when prominent you know that nothing is as it seems, particularly when it concerns relationships. All logic is thrown out the window.
The Moon is all about visions and illusions, madness, genius and poetry. This is a card that has to do with sleep, and so with both dreams and nightmares. It is a scary card in that it warns that there might be hidden enemies, tricks and falsehoods. But it should also be remembered that this is a card of great creativity, of powerful magic, primal feelings and intuition. You may be going through a time of emotional and mental trial; if you have any past mental problems, you must be vigilant in taking your medication but avoid drugs or alcohol, as abuse of either will cause them irreparable damage. This time however, can also result in great creativity, psychic powers, visions and insight. You can and should trust your intuition.
What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.
Just wrapped up siblings camp last week after two energy-sapping days. I always enjoyed sib camp cos' of the kids, no doubt some of them really stretches your patience and test your ability to restraint yourself from strangling them. But for every one kid who is spoilt, whiny, and irritating, there's always another who touches your heart and makes you smile despite all their antics. The truth is, at the bottom of it all, all kids are great and have lotsa potential to be wonderful people, it is the unfortunate few that has grown up learning habits which will make them the real 'ugly' singaporeans.
There is a reason why the upbringing of a child is such huge responsibility, you are practically molding a person from scratch. I am not saying parents consiously teach their child to be selfish, inconsiderate, rude or money-minded etc (frankly, i was appalled when one child equate the showing of care/love for others or towards himself, is through the act of giving money). But sometimes, as adults, we might have neglected in watching our own behaviour (parents should be role models) and to take some effort in imparting some basic values to children like offering help, speaking nicely to others or even just, saying thank you. And it shouldnt be surprising that when parents give in to their child's every demand and satisfy all their material cravings, these children will soon start to demand to be treated the same by every other people and goes through life feeling that privilege is an entitlement. How else would you explain a child insisting on watching his portable tv (at a camp no less) so that he doesnt miss his favourite power ranger cartoon and when told that he shouldn't be bring such expensive items for camp, replied that "it is ONLY $60"? Or children who refused to eat lunch or breakfast because they wanted "MacDonalds" and asked "Why don't have nasi lemak"?
Then there are also some children who are basically sweet and good kids but whose parents are no less scary than those i've mentioned. There seems to be a growing number of children who appeared to have self-esteem and self-confidence issues, aged 10 and onwards. Originally, sib camp was organized to help siblings of children with special needs to know more about their brother/sister's disability and coping with them but it has been, especially for the older siblings, that their problems revolve more about other personal issues such as parents' expectations on exam results or personal image issues like weight and fitting in. One boy called himself 'useless' because his Chinese is in "band 3", that despite the fact that he has band 1 for two of the subjects and a band 2 for the third. His reason for feeling like he is useless? Because his father said that with Chinese in band 3, he won't be able to make it for university. For pete's sake! The boy is only 10!
How about the girl who refused to eat for most of the meals and when she does, she would only touch half the rice and disappear for the rest of the meal time or look at her friends eating with a really somber face? She refused to admit to being on a diet but when asked if her mother would scold her if the camp leaders were to let mom know that the daughter was not eating, replied that her mom won't be angry since she also felt that the girl needs to be on a diet. Another boy continually refused to participate much in activities and discussion, instead spent time comparing himself to others and wanting to be 'fat' as he felt he was not as 'tall' or 'smart' as others his age despite scoring a really respectable score for his PSLE. He may not be the 'sporty' sort but he refused to even try because he just didn't think he would win anyway. It literally pains me to see him giving up just playing scissors, paper, stone because he said he was 'no good' in anticipating what the other person would do, and running away when anyone try to hit a beach ball his way.
These are really good kids and yet i wondered, what the heck happened? Seems the more i interact and know the kids, the heavier my heart is. A couple of times while listening to them talking innocently and unconsciously of such things, it brings a lump in my throat and i had to stop myself from tearing. Would i, one day as a parent, know what my kids have to go through each day? Would they also feel like they are not good enough despite trying? Would i be the person who reinforce that view point and push them into such low levels of self-esteem? It is frightening when parents are the culprit, or the accomplice to such acts or even if they are plain oblivious to their children's problems.
Sigh.
Was suppose to be a post about camp but somehow it went into parenting and kids. Guess the problems were just too sad and bad to be ignored. The rest of the Dec holidays will just be used to catch up on more work (more screening to be done! More on that later) and catching up on some reading, doing my resume (always better to be 'prepared'), sorting out my stuff for work next year and who knows, maybe some R&R during my leave days.
This year is going to end rather quietly i think... after all that upheaval over the last couple of months, its a going to be a well-deserved break for all of us.
One of the water pipes in my room toilet sprung a leak since godknows when and finally decided to 'inform' us by flooding the room early last friday morning. To cut a painful story short (how painful? exactly $900 worth of it), pipe was fixed, toilet turned ugly and frankly, no one knows if there were any other burst pipe in there somewhere. I am a water sign creature, you would have thought all that water would be good. Perhaps it was good for a while till it got too much and I started to “drown”...
I think god, whoever she/he is have a real funny sense of humour. Just when I thought about how life sucks at work, I finally woke up to a whole day where work was miraculously peaceful and the kids and teachers were happy, being the last day of school. But everything else OUTSIDE of work decided to go ape-shit on me, starting with the flooding, and then my auto-gate decided to go bonkers and start shutting while I was driving the NEW Honda Fit out.. Just when I was halfway through the gate. Of course, the day wouldn't have been complete without the carpark at Cineleisure being full just as I was rushing to catch a movie. And while parking at Mandarin's carpark, I just HAD to go down the stairs marked "exit" only to find that after 5 flights of steps, the ground floor door was locked up tight. That was when my phone started to ring with people asking me where was I and 'chasing' me to hurry in time for the movie.
Suddenly, I felt like bursting too.
This week was a "bursting" week as well, filled with training and screening and reports to complete. The school router chose this auspicious time to go bust and its only today that the computer guy managed to get it up. Not that it was his fault cos' a new router was already available, just that no one in school knew what's the password for our account. Duh.
Human-relations wise, the tension simmering between co-workers decided to join in the merry-bursting that's been going around and erupted spectacularly over the weekend. Heck! I am a Pisces and we require tranquillity to thrive! All this 'heat' is just steaming this fish up. Every senses within is telling me to butt out of it and just chill since it isn’t my call nor my business. I guess I agree… and if just looking at how things stand, its probably better for me since I’m not gonna be helpful to anyone.
The thing is, I personally feel conflicts are all but unavoidable wherever we may be. The key is, was it worth the hassle to enter into them, for what ends and finally what do we do resolve it. Perhaps I am getting old and cranky so can no longer see things as clearly as I use to. On the other hand, perhaps I am just not as impetuous with my actions and my opinions, because sometimes it is just not worth my hide to get involve between others' "personal" issues, even if it may be 'work' related.
It might seem uncaring but I suppose everyone is entitled to their own views and ways of doing things. I am not in a position to judge who was right, who was wrong. I just feel sort of bad for everyone. It was unfortunate that it involved people I happened to work with and care about, and at times it is difficult to say anything without sounding 'judgemental' or coming off a high-horse. On my own personal level, there are things that bother me about what's happening. It is definitely not how I would do things but again, I am in no place to say much because as a 3rd party observer, I would be viewed as someone who doesn't know the real story. Frankly... who does know the real deal? The elephant will always look different depending on where you stand.
If we have access to every single information... every single incidents, every single thought, emotion, motives, views, passing thoughts, images that passes through everyone's head, then perhaps we could say we knew why people do or say the things they do. But if that's true, we would truly be gods. The fact is, we are not omnipresent and omniscient. We can't speak of others so unequivocally, as if we truly and fully understand them and we shouldn’t. If anything, it's at best a clever assumption, a lucky guess, a calculated view based on experience or a skewed perspective depending on what I had eaten for lunch. Yet, it is something that I myself would readily do…
Life, as you grow older, becomes more keenly felt as you realized that time isn't just an abstraction, but a loud sounding buzzer constantly bombarding your senses (if you would pay attention to it, is of course another matter), telling you that if you don’t make the most of it now, there ain't no second chance. The youngsters fly by things and sometimes do not stop to consider, believing that there is always another opportunity to do good around the corner. There are also others who just focus on what's right in their faces and failed to look beyond and consider that sometimes things are not just defined by the parts they see, but a sum of parts and more. Like they say, hindsight is always 20/20. Pity my myopia now… but I guess further down the road, I would see this point of time with more clarity with my “20/20” hindsight vision.
Still, right now, instead of the ill-will, anger and apathy bursting all around us, I wish that in its place we could have more understanding, patience and empathy... But with humans, that’s really a tall order. At the end of the day, people will still do and say the things they do from where they stand. Just like me choosing to write on this blog now... perhaps against the better judgement of some, who knows?
Last saturday was one of my best friend, angie's wedding and despite all the initial apprehension about the timing and preparations, turned out to be a really fantastic wedding. During the time while she was preparing for her big day, i saw in her, many little things which i myself have gone through. I guess there was a certain affinity to that and all the shared experiences (i.e. with our partners)that i really wanted to help make the wedding a memorable one for her and her hubby, Max. So, as a wedding present, I thought to decorate the church wedding.
It took a month or so of planning; from trying to find out what kind of flowers she would like, what colour combination and what type of decoration she would need. I have never ever done any floral decor before but i figured it would be a nice gift for the couple instead of them spending tons of money for only a few flowers if they were to get a real florist to do it. Of course, i did not quite anticipate the amount of hours involved but nothing that could not be tackled with a little planning (a schedule of when and what to do does got a long way), organization (what to buy, where to buy, how many) and good fortune (in terms of having great and talented friends & family).
With the help for fantastic colleagues such as Joanna, who accompanied me to get flowers and showed me where they were sold even cheaper than Far East (JiMei has 15% discount between 7-8pm from wed-fri!!). She also 'loan' me her house and taught me how to do a floral arrangement from scratch 2 nights before the wedding, staying up till past midnight with me to complete 3 floral arrangements needed for church. Then there was fei and puaysze who came by on the night before, staying till midnite to help me de-thorn bucketful of roses, making little bouquets for the pew decorations as well as arranging floral basket all by themselves for the reception.
Last but not least, there is my own hubby who took a cab all the way to Bishan to help me transport the 3 huge basket of flowers from Joanna's place when i called him after 11pm, as well as taking care of all the carrying and heaving of flowers up and down the staircase on the day of the wedding. Without all of them, I would not have been able to do it at all. I am thankful of all the help i have gotten from them, just as i am glad to have been able to help another. It felt really good, despite the week of deprived sleep from making seemingly endless ribbons and netting. In actual fact, the gift doesn't just come from me, but all these friends who has also contributed greatly in making it a reality.
Anyway, everyone was very please with the results, i sure hope Angie and Max felt the same way too. :) Hope that their marriage will be a blissful and happy one...
I am seriously addicted to this new PSII game i am playing. Its in Japanese and involves committing mass murder as a samurai warrior (i.e. mindless tapping on the game console). No need to think, no need to plan, just whack at any soldiers that gets in your way. The graphics is simple and straightforward, and despite all the violence, there was not a single drop of blood in sight. The game also rather nicely tidy up after you cause' all the corpses automatically disappear once they fall. Very accomodating and thoughtful of the programmers.
Frankly, i really do not quite know what i was doing but just tapping on one of the buttons seems enough for my character to continue 'levelling' and it is quite mesmerizing to see one's skills improves as the death count climbs. Morbid but, engaging. Now i understand how one gets addicted to simple mindless games. The only grouse i have is that after 5 hours of continuous playing and doing that number of hours consecutively for 3 days, my thumb has gone red and sore from moving the joystick (rather violently) on my left hand. For some reason, i just do not have that knack of causally moving the joystick like my brother does. I don't see him ending up with red thumbs that's for sure...
I wonder if i will end up with a permanently swollen thumb. That would be quite odd no? As it is, i am already finding it hard to explain why my thumb has a plaster on it even though it is not bleeding (erm... that's to provide additional 'cushion' when i play). Maybe i should just continue playing mahjong with 曹操 and 关公instead even though they cheat most of the time and make me lose tons of 'money'... Well, at least my fingers are left intact, so what if my ego is a trifle bit bruised? :)
Participated in a focus group organized by one of the sub-committees loToking into special-needs population in Singapore. The question posed was, what to we need to achieve "excellence" in special-ed?
A loaded question if there ever was one.
A fair number of professionals was there from various sped schools and we were the second run; parents with special needs children has already given their views earlier this month. At first, i would say people were cautious, careful to say what would not be misconstructed. But it was quite clear even from the beginning where this will eventually head... the lack of unity, standards in the field of special-ed and a strong need for a direct involvement from the government beyond their role as a funding body and financial regulator.
So many voices has been clamouring for this for ages but has always been shut out and i think the main reason is that there is this 'fear' that once the govt takes over special-ed (no longer running ad hor under VWOs), all the responsibilities would be put solely on the ministry (like.. MOE for instance). That's one hot potato.
Hence it would make more sense if amongst us VWOs, we could come up with some agreement and clarify the diverse roles of the stakeholders involve (clients, schools, govt) so as to tackle the whole problem as a group than expecting a miracle to happen from above. Asking for more money individually would not stop the vicious cycle of inefficient resource allocation, murky criteria of delivery standards, poor future planning, lack of clarity and direction, and ultimately help for the special-needs population is hardly translated directly or effectively by all the efforts put in.
Coming under the umbrella of the ministry (MOE is quite a logical choice given the infrastructure it already has in education) can shape the whole special-ed scene dramatically. We need for special ed to be view under a realm of EDUCATION than CHARITY. There is so much more that can be done and it is still a sizable portion of Singapore's population, worthy for more to be done for it.
Well, the focus group is the first step and there has been many 'first steps' before... let's hope this will get us all somewhere.
I can't remember when was the last time i did not practise any self-censorship on this blog.
Must have been at least 2 or 3 years ago. When i was too self-indulgent to care and just wanted to spill my guts and tears out. It's a catharic experience to let everything go and spew negativity and sadness in multiple blogs once in a while.
Difficult to do that now.
Especially when problems become more complex and you yourself are not as clear as to what exactly you want to say.
Especially when you become conscious of the people who may read this, read into this and form conclusions which you have no wish for them to do so or even to form them before yourself have already formed one.
Tricky.
I am having sort of a love-hate relationship with the Haze right now. If i sound pretty confuse, i probably am.
I hate the smoke for making my skin extra sensitive... as if being allergic to certain seafood and some metals is not enough. Now everytime i get a bug bite or if i rub my skin a tad bit, i literally gets welds and bumps appearing almost immediately. Not a pretty sight in my opinion, even though i am not usually described by others as 'vain'. I just looked like i'm having a break-out or have been bitten by something bad. Worst thing is, more surface area would then start to itch as well.
Of course, the dust (or fine ash?) is making my nose run. My mom's miracle pill every morning can only do so much for my sinus. On bad days, i would be sneezing non-stop the minute i am outdoors and OK when i returned to an enclosed aircon room EVEN when i have taken my early morning sinus vit pills! Between botchy skin and running red nose/blinky eyes, i really don't know what's worse. Oh yes, and the haze is making wilk COUGH more... sheesh...
BUT.. then there is that little part that thinks perhaps school will be close due to the haze (hurray!)... and no more assembly duties (hurrah!)... and no more request to sleep with the window open and sweating my skin off (yes! yes! YES!). I know its probably selfish... and i am NOT wishing for the haze to continue (bad bad alice *smack hand*) but if its going to be around, at least i could milk it for some "good" eh? So in a way, what i am really thinking, isn't 'bad'... just ermm... trying to see the silverlining behind the clouds!
After all, who is the one that told me... when life gives you lemons, you make lemonade! HA! :)
我正“躲”在办公室里，静悄悄地逃避着楼上等着我开会的一群人。
一群等着我开一个我没必要出席的会议的人。
让我不由自主的想避开一些拿不定主意的人。
电话已经响了好几次但我都没接。只想静静地躲过这一切。
我不想开会，更不想见到某些人。
不想帮她们解决一些永远也解决不了的问题，
解决一些我没必要解决的问题。
我很累，也很厌倦这种‘逃亡’地生活。
电话又响了。。。真地好烦啊！
可以说我不在吗？
Awww... this face is just too cute for words. When he looks at you like that, you can hardly refuse him anything. Wish my folks will bring him back here but that's highly unlikely. Poor puppy needs more room to play than a 25th storey garden...
Your Seduction Style: The Coquette |
 You are a pro at playing the age old game of hard to get. Your flirting style runs hot and cold, giving just enough to keep them chasing you. Independent and self-sufficient, you don't need any one person to make you complete. And that independence is exactly what makes people pursue you. |
当我和世界不一样
那就让我不一样
坚持对我来说就是以钢克钢
我如果对自己妥协
如果对自己说谎
即使别人原谅，我也不能原谅
最美的愿望
一定最疯狂
我就是自己的神，在我活的地方
[ 我和我最后的倔强
握紧双手绝对不放，下一站是不是天堂
就算失望不能绝望
我和我骄傲的倔强
我在风中大声的唱，这一次为自己疯狂
就这一次我和我的倔强 ]*
对爱我的人别紧张
我的固执和善良
我的手越肮脏，眼神越是发光
你不在乎我的过往
看到了我的翅膀
你说被火烧过，才会出现凤凰
逆风的方向
更适合飞翔
我不怕千万人阻挡，只怕自己投降
[*]
就这一次让我大声唱
啦啦啦啦啦啦啦啦 (x3)
就算失望不能绝望
啦啦啦啦啦啦啦啦 (x3)
就这一次我和我的倔强
<< 五月天 >>
词，曲：阿信
Meet my folks' new golden retriever puppy... at least i _think_ its a goldie. His name is Whisky and i've always wondered if that's such a good choice for the dog. Firstly, the Whisky we had before (my brother's mini schnauzer puppy) didn't make it through winter in China. Secondly, the colour of his coat looks more like BEER than 'whisky'. And lastly, his personality is quite bubbly, definitely not mellow and 'aged' like hard liquor. Perhaps he would be more suited to a name like... Champagne! Except that it sounds way too odd and 'girly'. Hahaha. Anyway, the point is moot. He is already responding to 'whisky', just that it look really odd when a big bouncy puppy comes pounding whenever we call.
在一个人的办公室里，我很自然的就不想做我该做的工作。是已经厌倦了这份“职业“还是忘了责任感是什么？总有一种很难解释的疲惫与顺序而来的无奈。我想我一定是累了。不只是肉体上的疲惫，更是心灵上的疲倦。我懊恼为何原本对这工作充满活力的我，如今变成这样一个连踏出工作室的力气也没有的人。真的很可悲，很可笑。
以前工作是我向往的一件事。每天早上会很开心的来上班，很开心能看见小朋友。也许工作已经变质了吧。随着工作”年纪“的增加，我的责任也开始变得复查，变得乏味。每个星期不是开会，就是开会。老开些只会浪费时间与精神的会。工作的中心不再是孩子们，而是无聊得程序与条例。一些大家都无法一致认同得程序，无法理解得条例。每一次得会议上都好像战场般，见到不同人站在不同的立场上争个你死我活。可惜的是我也必须这样，不然也难保自己的意念与看法。正如杀场上的士兵，敌不过的就得听命与他人，也得假装无所谓。毕竟我也得生存在这恶竟里，不是吗？
不要为我惋惜以熄灭的热诚，也不要为我感到懊恼这一切的不公平。人生就是如此，没有变迁更不可能有人生所谓的转捩点。我看也该是我踏出去转动转动的时候了！
终于有了"南极星"，不用在愁不能用华文来记载一些以前想要以华文来表达的情绪和事情。甚至可以让我不用在烦恼这么阅读一些华语或粤语的网页了。这些事可能对一般人来说不是件难事，但对偶尔电脑白痴的我却不一定是件轻而一举的事。嗨！也认了吧！不行就是不行。不用在多加解释为何不行了。有个可以替我解决电脑语文的软件，虽然得付出一点"代价" 但重比求人老是跟我讲解一些如何下载某些与某些软件，解释如何调正某些与某些电脑的细节与程序来的好吧？或许是我对这方面的常识不多，还是脑筋不成开窍，但总算少了一件让人心烦的事。
初次运用这软件，不是很顺手。应该是我很久没以华语拼音来输入资料了吧？显得有些陌生和迟钝。错字也肯定一大堆。希望再练习练习就会比较顺手了。另一件奇怪的事，不知这么搞的，当我以华文来写出感想时，"语气" 总有些不自然。非常的'规矩' ，就像是中学时期填写作文一般。怪别扭的。不懂这改得了吗？*嘻嘻*
I never thought i would say this but i think the love anthology series showing on channel 5 every tuesday night is one the best example of great local tv series ever. I've caught everyone of them so far and i am completely "wow-ed". The series of 'tele-movies' has one of the best cinematography i've ever seen locally, wonderful storylines, commendable acting from a largely 'non-famous' cast with none of the 'over-the-top' performances we have been getting from local sitcomes and channel serials, and generally good pacing, editing and directing. I am no expert but darn, it is REALLY good! Hope to see more of from this series...
PS: And thanks to gpa for the correction.. *paiseh*
ears plugged into
songs heard
only in the
head to words
unheard and eyes
downcast
its only that
much to say not
just saying its
listening to
songs heard
only in the head
words unheard in
the head but
listened to
songs overcast
when it can
only be so isn't
it just don't
fill up the empty
void with words
unheard but listen
to songs overcast
on me
Back from trip and tired as hell. It doesn't help when my folks' golden retriever puppy insist on waking us up at 5 something in the morning by opening our door & popping his big head on the bed. Still, a fantastically friendly chap and oh-so-CUTE! Think he went about mad with so many people playing with him that he ended up throwing tantrums (whinning, barking, tearing up toilet paper) when he didnt get any attention...
Nothing much to say about the trip... cept, too much food, too much shopping, too much people (Its national day in china on Oct 1st), too much smog, too much noise! Not all of that is bad since i am quite used to it but not sure how for the others. Guess will leave the judgement up to them. Must be quite an unusual experience for them since its not the typical china tour thingy, esp when you are roped in suddenly as an impromptu wedding event planner cum decorator for one of my dad's employees at the office. After half a day of hurriedly buying materials, trying to figure out what chinese people actually want for weddings (esp if its a east meets west at makeshift church type wedding), sorting out colour schemes, putting up stools and decors and finally the actually wedding itself, i must say i did feel a certain sense of pride and feeling of a job well-done at the end of it.
Folks looked fine but guess they could always do with more company from us kids, not that i am very good company for them, esp my mom. But it was good... no major major outbreak... and i did have the help of the MP3 player at timely moments when avoiding tricky questions. Heh heh
Could do with another break after this one though. Think that in the excitement of doing so many things (from folks to friends), i actually forgot i was suppose to be resting... and finishing up my reports. Sighh... Oh well...
Humen 1 - View from Al's folks apartment
Originally uploaded by AuRoRiN & MoOoK.
Going to bring a couple of my colleagues to Humen over our long weekend (Children's day holiday + Polling day leave) from thurs till monday. Haven't made up my mind if it is a good or not-so-good thing because i am not sure how i should 'host' them. But then, they are really nice people and i guess if you like to shop, eat and sing ktv at minimal cost, Humen is the place for you. A tad worried about the weather, especially the pollution and the smog is pretty horrible at times. Guess i will just do what i always do when i get there, stay pretty much indoors (be it at home or in the retail outlets). Not quite the initial idea of lying in the sun and pristine beaches relaxing ourselves but at least i know the shopping would be good!
